Words dreaming about us

This poem is called "Dreams", its not a final draft but I think it speaks out. Not gotta say much, but please comment on my poem.

Dreams
By Vincent Wu
12/9/08

The thing called unconscious
Conscious of these anxious wishes
Buckets of paint smacked around
Leaks in about its business
Not filthy per say
But can’t say it isn’t clean
Kids’ joy burst as the teacher declared
“No Homework without Relaxation”

Hospitals, no longer a free Inn
Baking, frying, boiling, tantalizing, mouth watered like a melon
Blue like water bottles, Green like traffic light saying GO, Orange like Oranges
Purple like Hunter, Red like blood cells giving and taking, Yellow like Me
Eyes below the forehead and above the shredder
It takes care of my morale and draws clues to suspects
Unrequited lovers no longer quitting or hating

Tears touching, sexual harassment
The glossy bulbs drive in my mind again
Leaving a trait of moisture, it helps with the low humidity
Fumes of alluring mate draw us in
Dreams far from here
But it will return
Only this time with tears

Words planted down should never be alone

Below here, is the old poem I wrote for poetry.com I even got published, but no cash flowing my way for any possible sales.

"The School of Life" by Vincent Wu

I wake up every day
And try to make today a better day
The clothes I wear for this day
The mask is cold and gray
We all wear this mask
Perhaps society itself
Cannot accept the core of our soul
There are some who are dark
And some that are bright
These eyes of my had seen it all
The spoiled brat
The smart geek
The angry rocker
The plain weird
The senseless jock
The foreign stranger
And the enlighten thinker
The cliques we all fit
Make us all fit


Now for some history. I wrote this poem when I was a sophomore. It was when I was riding the B9 bus from F.D.R. High school back to my little Chinatown of 8th ave. It was just something I felt like doing as a reflection of what school is and how it mold our personality. This poem is simplistic with smooth vocal sounds. From lines 11-17, I believe the repetition here gives it a raw feeling of pointing and labeling. Overall, I believe in writing poetry that is simple, sounds good and evoking certain feelings.

Please make some comments on my poem.

Election of 08

November 5, 2008 was election between the Old Mccain and Hopeful Obama. The day was long, but I shortened it for election XD. I got to the poll at 1:00PM-ish. It was at my junior highschool Pershing I.S. 220. There was arrows circling around the building took me a few minutes to finally find the entrance. The school sure has changed since I came here, everywhere bright blue like the ocean sea quite relaxing setting. As I stepped into the relative small cafeteria poll machine stacked neatly from left to right. With my Asian look a Chinese worker came and helped me with the process of flexing my rights. With the curtain pulled behind me, I cranked the red level to my right to prepare myself and switches X for candidates. Finally done with my selection, it was time to claim my prize and crank to the left for my prize. Opening the soft flexible gates left me with such pride drawing a smile on my face. Just one more thing to do before my day is complete. I had to explore a bit more of what Pershing had become. Everything was cleaner, but the bathroom still needed fixing a lot worse than Hunter college's bathroom.

At the strike of 11pm, news spread that it was clear that Obama had won. I was relieved that finally perhaps life would become better. I hope Obama would contribute to US as how Wilson influenced the world with Wilsonian. Overall, a good day out of the many bad weeks.

Happy Halloween 08

I feel tired from what may be a prank call at 7:16AM. You never mess with someone's sleep that is torture. I went back to my nap until 7:20AM to get ready for my morning cleansing. The path to my bath is 50 steps in total because we couldn't use the shower upstairs for the condition of my mom's radioactive aoe. At least today is the last day for using the basement's bathroom. The sucky thing about using the basement shower is that using the hot water makes a nasty constantly ringing noises. As a adaptive species, I bought my cellphone to play music on loud speaker. The overall good song to play on my cellphone was "Greenday - Jesus of Suburbia". This song is punk-ish and is 9mins+. The annoying thing about my cellphone's music player is that you have to manually change songs and click play to replay the song you are on. Also the bathroom is small thought it makes me feel like giant, I can't help to feel pressure of the lack of space. This must be the burden of tall people.

My meal of the day was two pork-buns. I sat at my desk watching the latest Naruto: Shippuden eps 82, eating and putting on my everyday mask. Halloween for many is a fun day to dress up and leech from the monopoly of candy. For my family, it is probably one of the most undesired holidays because usually every year we put up a sigh saying "No Candy". One year, we got egged and the egg stain stayed there for a good year or two. This year, I guess it would be better to conform with social norms and have one less stain in our lives. Andy said I should buy expired candy lol, since a devilish person. Andy usually implies his ideas in a funny way that kids would eat and remember not to come to our house.



Isn't it interesting how there is a holiday to cover a mask with another mask. I would rather celebrate it by removing the mask and shine it around. But I feel I am not strong enough to rip off this mask. This mask is engraved in my soul and I can't break this curse of my timid mind. A fool I am, I should not think so negatively my self-esteem is already low and with my mother with cancer how can I ever think straight in this entanglement of my eyes.

Tired

This topic of the blog is about the preparation of my mother coming back home after chemotherapy. The first thing was the thyroid(gland responsible for metabolism and calcium control near the throat area), there was a aggressive cancer overwhelming the gland. So around middle August, she got surgery and two weeks later a lump appeared from checkup. Early September, my mom received many scans and it was a aggressive cancer growing from where the surgery was at. After all of the scan, it was also clear there was cancer in her lungs, lower spine and adrenal glands. There is a picture I posted to help show it. Then around early October was the second surgery to remove lump. Cancer patients can't just start chemotherapy, but it is a long painful process. First, the patient has to go on a special "low-iodine" diet. You could only eat certain amount of meat,no dairies, seafood, and iodine salt(buy special salt with no iodine). My mother loses more weight than she ever lost when exercising. Also this is a break from my third part of my mini autobiographical story.

10/23/08

I had just received news that we(family) had to clean the house. I had cut my last class 5:35-6:50pm, it did not matter the attendance was invisible and I am sure I know enough about human sexuality. I entered the train with determination and I am damn sure I am not gotta break one of my pillars of life for this class. My aunt came over to help out and my grandma would become the overlord. Of course, my grandma was consumed by the idea of me carrying a empty stomach. In my white plastic dish was two pieces of Chinese sausages, some bird meat and a bunch of rice(-_-). With my head being squeezed by unknown forces, I had no choice but to take a short break from life. My mind rattled like a baby's toy and the sleep was as fun as getting heart attacks every hour. In the mist of my pain, I actually caught sleep and force it to my soul.

The clock strike its eyes at me and it was 9:05 PM. Yet again, it was time to consume more protein and cooked vegetables. On the dinner table a battle plan was determined. I was to clean the bathtub and Andy had to clean the floors. I took the green-whitish can and shake, shake it to perform my task at hand. The gases would mix into a spell that would weaken me. My tongue drained of its life support spit the bits of itself in the drain. My secondary breathing tunnels would suffer a massive flood of alien-like fluids. The aliens have some nice oozy technology that hinder my wolf smell of the not so green friendly fumes. My grandma also advised us (Me and Andy) to use these latex free non sterile powder-free synthetic exam gloves. These gloves make me like a doctor or like the tv show based character Dexter. With my equitment at hand sponge and a scruber, this will be quite the fight. When it comes to cleaning, I am a bit lazy but when I actually start I am a mild compulsive cleaner. I would start cleaning and small bits of markings would take me on a journey of non-stop brushing, vacuming and smashing. Andy suggested I used another cleaning product, since we were getting low on the can. The prefect mixture of water and thick transparent orange gel. The smell would penerate the oozes and tickle my nose's hairs shouting "It Smells Like Fruit Loops". In the end, I would feel I have lost the battle with those little demons, but I am too lazy to continue the endless battle. With the operation done, I ripped off the gloves surgeon style and my fingers were wet. My slippers being drowned in soapy water would squeak like a duck screaming under water by a prankster. I forced open the two gates of freedom. My mirror was in need of attention and grab my eyeballs to glare. The clear fluid running out of my nose had created a letter "Y". Is my body asking why I am putting myself through this? I tell you why because this is important and I am always willing to sacrifice my body to help a family/friend. Like a bounty hunter, I am well rewarded with a slip of my aloe water and musical harmony cruising in my ears. I better start studying for the incoming tests. But I will save that burden for another day.

I can heal you, but who can heal this wounded healer? Part 2

One may assume I hate Andy, but I just hate his grungy traits. Andy can sometimes be extremely loud and this often affects my sleep -_-. Andy acts selfishly and cold to strangers. Andy even has this egotistic behavior of knowing what to do and how to handle things. I remember Andy said to me that he likes to control situations and want things to flow things his way and would panic/(get emotional) if things don't go according to plan. I never really know whats his deeper thoughts are, but I can usually read his mind on little things. I think often Andy hides his true feelings and emotions too deep. I feel Andy converts his feelings into confidence, I am not sure how but I can say for sure Andy can show more confidence than emotions.

As the story ended on the note of my friend Georgy defending me along with the tears streaming down and around my hands. Soon after this event, Georgy would be more distanced and icy. One day Georgy saw into my pupils and ignition would occur. He came over and his shadow engulfed my pale skin. The gates of his mouth would no longer hold back the demons. He said "I Hate You". To me it was one of those one liners and I had no answers for with only a question "Why?". Like a broken toy, he fails to repeats the words perfectly "I just hate you". For a brief moment, he had concluded on the reasons and said "Because your fat, ugly and weak". Damn, those are my low self-esteem topics. What can I say, it is apparent he is firm with his statement of "hate" toward me. No questions or answer and I proceed to reverse the engine of my legs. Georgy eyes dotted down and up. He sensed my feebleness like a monster tracking down a pleasant for pleasure. His hands formed the mummy hands and pushed me. The force was not enough to make this plant fall. My eyes caught every moment to confirm the reality. Our eyes became parallel and Georgy said "What'cha gotta Do?". It was illogical to fight him. Not only was I physically small, but this beast was my friend. A friend that helped me deal with the other demon. The air was becoming thin and I needed more oxygen. So I wander away, but Georgy would follow me as if I had taunted him with my rear head. Soon our watches connected to the time of class and our paths disconnected. During class, I would just melt in my seat and absorb the little significance knowledge that P.S. 105 wanted me to learn.


Days came and past, it was dragging me up and down. The repeated actions became a daily routine. Like a ignorant monarchy, history would repeat itself and I would be darken everyday. I had became sad for the reason of why my friend would have became this being. At school, I worked on becoming more stealth. The empty steps would work until the last few weeks of school. Georgy had caught smell a careless step and roam around until we once again meet face to face. Georgy corners me in the dim area of the construction site at our school. With his throat filled with anger, he roared "I will Spill Yours Guts All Over the Walls and No One will Care!". And repeated the usual fat, ugly and weak dialogue. Despite these words that don't break my bones they stab my heart. I felt those words were true, I was chubby, ugly and tender. My family had enough to worry about and my brother could careless about how I feel emotionally.

But as time ran around, I found it wasteful being down. It would be darkness that I would find the devil and it would lure me with its sexually heat of anger. No longer will I have to be sad and weak. No more time wasted on being feeble. Every day I had to train and train. It would be done at night and it would be this lack of light to call upon my inner beast. After wearing myself down, I would close my eyes and let darkness have its way with me. This was not for desire, but it was a necessity for me to grow into a stronger plant. Soon it was near the conclusion of my time being a prisoner at this school. I saw Georgy and he sensed my sense of his sense. This was what I was training for and chance to get rid of my title of "Crybaby". Georgy looked into my eyes and I send his beastly sight back to him. No dialogue is needed. The darkness grew ever so lustful. I wanted to kill him, but I realize what I was truly fighting and it was myself. Was this his plan? Did he think I wouldn't fight him because of our friendship? Why did he said nothing to me as this would be our last time we ever meet? Or was this just over analyzed and am I a bad person for wanting to hurt my friend that protected me.

The past give us things that are never fully clear and in life the puzzles would become clear if we just live it. I would hope to find Georgy and finish our fight. I want to show him how this plant has became a tree. We wouldn't need words to express the things that happened. It would be our fists that would have a conversation as if we were having a reunion party. I am sure we can feel each others pain in life from the knuckles of our fist. Even with the pain comes the realization of the situation that Georgy and I are together like the good old times.

I can heal you, but who can heal this wounded healer? Part 1

I have always been supportive to help others, but for me it is hard to heal myself. My sadness has always been present just hidden. I fear my agony would soon completely mutate to senseless hatred. I see strangers with a cynical eye and see there motives as purely for their own. This would supports why I feel a burning anger toward wealthy people, who can afford to live life without worries and buying useless crap as if it was to taunt the working class.

I feel there is no one I can truly expose myself completely. My older brother Andy thinks my actions/emotions are stupid and often makes me feel like shit for such acts. He always been a kind of role model and since I lost my sense of Chinese language I can't connect to my dad. I see Andy as my role model because he gets things done and do it with overbearing confidence (Clear Contrast to me). But its just hard to look up to someone that wants you to do things by yourself and learn without assistance. I may have a stronger physical power, but I sometimes lack the oversight of knowledge. It is a kind of love and hate bond. I am sure if the times comes where I will need his backup, he will be there.

Ending on that note, it draws on one of my life stories. This should take place around the late year of elementary school. As a Chinese boy, I always done my work and try to find good friends(hopefully). One of the things I done was joining a snack club with my friend Georgy. This friend of my Georgy was larger than me and was very active in the sport light. One day, Andy and his two best friend Edwin and Ye-Qin had a day off. They decided to visit me at school and it was during my gym in the schoolyard. Andy and his friends grabbed the school gate and together said "YOU SUCK". My nickname would be reveal as my actions would soon reveal. I was playing around with some kind of ball and at a distance the words would stab my ears. My hands drew quickly to cover it. But these hands are not large enough to cover my tears as my role model made such mockery of me. I couldn't stop it from pouring and it still stings to this day. My heart would lock in this hatred and forgiveness for those fiends are futile. My friend Georgy was the first of many to come rushing to the sounds of my howl. Georgy would guard me by saying "Shut up!". Soon the gym teacher Mr. Flamingo would come and say "Who is making fun of you?", I bitten my lower lip and the words would crawl out mixed with my tears "My Brother". Quite the role model and brother to have. This adventure would not stop here, Stay Tune for Part 2.

I do..

Wedding Pics of my cousin Willy
http://willyandheidi.com/

Last Sunday (9/14/08),it was Willy’s wedding. The party started at 7:30 PM at this Chinese restaurant. The restaurant was pretty new, since it was located at the deserted area of the eastside of 8th ave. As any Chinese wedding, there was a sighing of the names of the family on the red cloth. Willy and Heidi sighed within a big heart on the red cloth taking up like 1/4 of it. As Andy and I went to our seats area, we saw a Chinese man with a blue shirt with a certain grin. This man was our WoW buddy Steven. He got a firm handshake like a competitive person. After talking to Steven, we saw our main man Willy posing for pictures with the family. Willy wore a complete smooth white tuxedo and with three golden chains around his neck. If you look closely, you could even see the mild glitch in his hair (quite balling). Soon, we saw the devil that is Ricky XD. We also met his son Codin. Then we all had to take pictures for family, male tuxedo only and etc… Finally, we got our seats and the ceremony began with the announcer introducing the families and the special wedding people. Around this time, I talked to our cousin Ricky about how it would be crazy to have a lasers, fog machine and even bubbles. As Willy and Heidi came in there was a sharp dim of lights, laser lights flashing all around and the smoke machine bluffing out. Soon there was bubbles’ bubbling around the dance floor. Soon after the smoke was gone, the announcer asked the parents to speak. Finally, the food came and to our surprise it was a smoky lobster with led lights in its eyes. Sadly, the only thing we could eat was some fruits and bits of the lobster meat. There was a small dish next to the lobster that produced unlimited amount of smoke. Then there was the event where the bride is suppose to the throw the bouquet , but it changed for a more safer procedure. The bride would be surrounded by the deseperate unmarried woman and the randomly choosen by the bride by spinning with her eyes closed. Surprisly, it was one of the maid of honor. The male version of this would be the groom retreiving the garnet and be toss toward the pack of wolves. Oh ya, before Willy went to get the garnet from Heidi; he had to do a “sexy dance” (youtube moment missed). After the dance show, Willy tossed the garnet which landed on the floor and our cousin James quickly grabbed it. Another show was about to be revealed as the announcer reveal the prize that James has won. James had to use his teeth to put the garnet on the thigh of the winner of the bouquet. It was hilarious but James ultimately couldn’t drag the garnet to the thigh because the woman didn’t participate fully in the event. The food continued and the next event came. It was a event invovling couples. First thing was getting a dollar bill and the punishment for being the slowest was doing pushups with the female sitting on top of the male. Next the couples had to get shoes and the last thing was to get another couple up. Andy and I went up to help our cousin. Then everyone on the dance floor had to dance. After that more food and the cake was passed out. Also during the party Willy and Heidi wore many different style of wedding clothes (Traditional White, Chinese, another Chinese one and etc) Finally the party ended at 11PM ish (started at 7PM)

As the night ended, who can really feel the same as the day before. This night envoke such radiance, it brighten my day with its auroma of family and love. I would wish the day of my wedding would create such emotions. As to Willy, you are blessed to have connected to your parnter and I hope your future remain as ever bright. As for myself, I feel imcomplete and fearful of whom I will meet to help fulfill my spirit.

Don't Think, Feel

Another boring day at school -_-. Aleast I am almost done with the lyric for my friend's band called Moonbird Atlantic. There site is on a myspace >> Moonbird Atlantic . My friend Evan is the manager of the band. Its pretty cool to know someone that could be a part of something great. The song I wrote is called "Metro Light" and it still need some work on. Here is the preview of it. > means gets louder/build up and < means slow down.

Moonbird Atlantic - Metro Lights

This morning it feels ever so old
I wash my face to hold on
Why do these days feel hollow
My feet touches the yellow tape
The tape of Mass Transit
In hope for a revival
But this arrival of your face
Takes Me Away

Instrumental

Walking upon this express train
I want to say toward you
"Why do we face each other without words?"
My guitar plays a rhythmic solo
Then the drums rumble along my soul
Don't forget about that bass
With your Lungs
< Let me hear you say

Silence
Train Door Sound
< Instrumental

*Chorus* 2x
Why must we face each other
With our lips seal shut
My mouth volley around of the things to say
...
I just want to say
That your are the light of my day

> Instrumental

*Slow Singing*
In this train I feel ever so strange
With these strangers' eyes strangling me
But my care is gone because you are here
The subway lights run around you
Your shine touches my eyes
The touch of Metro Lights

Instrumental > *fades*

Announcer ( I would hope I would say this part in song)
Next Stop is Moonbird Atlantic

Comment plz XD

We all have a purpose, don't we?

This is my second blog site oppose to my another one. As a co-founder of Omnifist, I want this to be the place where I give out lessons about martial arts. I shall leave my other blog site for more personal thoughts, even anything I can do both in this one XD. Omnifist is a organization that I came up with and decided to create it with my close friends. I want it to be a organization for all martial arts to unified as one to learn important knowledge of martial arts.

As for anyone a purpose is the drive to achieve. No one can really say "I have done it all", life itself is complex and forms perpetual amounts of events. In the process of "doing" is bringing about your own purpose. A "true purpose" is when you are doing something you perform without hesitation because the reasons for your owns are true to yourself.